(Disclaimer: 95%+ of this article is picked up as it is from an inspirational book — Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind)
Without any intentional fancy way of adjusting yourself, to express yourself as you are is the most important thing.
Communication is very important in Zen practice. Because I cannot speak your language very well, I am always seeking some way of communicating with you. I think that this kind of effort will result in something very good.
When we say something, our subjective intention or situation is always involved. So there is no perfect word; some distortion is always present in each statement. But nevertheless, through our master’s statement, we have to understand the objective fact itself — the ultimate fact. By ultimate fact we do not mean something eternal or something constant, we mean things as they are in each moment. You may call it “being” or “reality”.
Your master’s direct statement may not be only in words; her behavior is likewise her way of expressing herself. In zen, we put emphasis on demeanor or behavior. By behavior, we do not mean a particular way that you ought to behave, but rather the natural expression of your self. We emphasize straightforwardness. You should be true to your feelings, and to your mind, expressing yourself without any reservations. This helps the listener understand more easily.
When you listen to someone, you should give up all your preconceived ideas and your subjective opinions; you should just listen to him., just observe what his way is. We put little emphasis on right and wrong or good and bad. We just see things as they are with him, and accept them. This is how we communicate with each other.
Usually, when you listen to some statement, you hear it as a kind of echo of yourself. You are actually listening to your own opinion about the said statement, instead of just the statement. If it agrees with your opinion, you may accept it, but if it does not, you will reject it or you may not even hear it. This is one danger when you listen to someone. The other danger is to be caught by the statement. If you do not understand your master’s statement in its true sense, you will easily be caught by something which is involved in your subjective opinion, or in some particular way the statement is expressed. You will take what he says only as a statement, without understanding the spirit behind the words. This kind of danger is always there.
It is difficult to have good communication between parents and children because parents always have their own intentions. Their intentions are nearly always good, but the way they speak, or the way they express themselves, is often not so free; it is usually too one-sided or not realistic. We each have our own way of expressing ourselves, and it is difficult to change that way according to the circumstances. If parents can manage to express themselves in various ways according to each situation, there will be no danger in the education of their children. This, however, is rather difficult. Even a zen master has his own way. When Nishiari-zenji scolded his disciples, he always said, “Go away!”. One of his students took him literally and left the temple! But the master did not mean to expel the student. It was just his way of expressing himself. Instead of “Be careful” or “Come later” he said, “Go away”! If your parents have this kind of habit, you will easily misunderstand them.
All these dangers are always present in your everyday life. So as a listener, it is necessary to clear your mind of these various distortions. A mind full of preconceived ideas, subjective intentions, or habits is not open to things as they are. That is why we practice zazen; to clear our mind of what is related to something else.
